Ep. 55 Stop "Shoulding" Yourself: Break Free from Negative Thoughts and Embrace Alcohol-Free Living

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The Power of Stopping “Shoulding” on Yourself: Transforming Self-Judgment into Positive Motivation

Do you ever find yourself plagued by thoughts of what you “should” be doing? Whether it’s going to the gym, eating healthier, or getting a handle on your drinking, these shoulds can weigh heavily on our minds and contribute to a vicious cycle of self-judgment and negativity. In Episode 55 of our "Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast," we delved into this topic and uncovered tools to help break free from these mental shackles.

Identifying the Root of Shoulds

Self-inflicted shoulds often stem from societal standards, past experiences, or internal pressures to conform to a certain ideal. As Ruby and Susan discussed, these shoulds create a constant chatter in the back of our minds, impacting our mood and behavior.

Example Shoulds:
- "I should go to the gym."
- "I should eat healthier."
- "I should be more productive."

These pervasive thoughts contribute to feelings of inadequacy and guilt, making it hard to move towards self-improvement and feeling content with where you are now.

Transforming 'Shoulds' into 'Get To's

To combat the negative effects of shoulds, Ruby suggested a powerful mindset shift: transforming “I should” into “I get to.” This simple reframing helps foster gratitude and appreciation for the tasks or habits that might otherwise feel burdensome.

Practical Applications:
- Instead of “I should do the dishes,” say, “I get to do the dishes because I have food to eat and a cozy home.”
- Instead of “I should go to the gym,” say, “I get to go to the gym because I care about my health and wellbeing.”

This exercise helps to instill a sense of agency and positivity, making it easier to approach tasks with enthusiasm rather than dread.

Awareness and Self-Compassion

One of the main pillars in breaking free from the tyranny of shoulds is cultivating awareness. As Susan noted, it’s crucial to become aware of what you are thinking and feeling. This awareness is the first step toward change. Both Susan and Ruby suggested various tools to increase awareness, such as setting a timer to check in with your thoughts or using a rubber band to snap yourself into awareness every time you catch a should thought.

Self-compassion is also key. Instead of beating yourself up over not meeting certain expectations, practice kindness and understanding towards yourself. Recognize that you are a work in progress and that it is okay to not have everything figured out. This helps reduce the shame and guilt often associated with unmet shoulds and creates a more supportive internal environment for growth.

Practical Exercise: The Awareness Challenge

To help our listeners foster greater awareness of their automatic negative thoughts and shoulds, we propose a one-week challenge:
- Step 1: Use a timer: Set a timer to go off at random times throughout the day. When it goes off, take a moment to check in with your thoughts and note if any shoulds are present.
- Step 2: Use a rubber band: Wear a rubber band on your wrist. Every time you catch yourself saying or thinking a should, snap the band gently. This will serve as a physical reminder to bring awareness to these thoughts.
- Step 3: Journal: Keep a journal to log these should thoughts. Writing them down helps in recognizing patterns and understanding their origins.

Conclusion: Embrace the Journey of Change

Transforming shoulds into positive thoughts and practicing self-compassion is not an overnight process. It takes time, awareness, and consistent effort. However, as you begin to shift your mindset and embrace a more compassionate approach towards yourself, you will start to see significant changes in how you feel and act.

Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection. By taking small steps, you can slowly change the narrative in your mind and start living a life that feels more aligned with your true desires and values.

For more insights and tools to help you live alcohol-free and feel lit, join our community on Facebook and stay engaged with our weekly podcasts. Let’s make the journey to self-improvement a supportive and joyful one.

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Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching
https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Coach Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching
Email: [email protected]